


Naruto ideas I may someday write (If I find the time)

by Rick_KTish



Category: Naruto
Genre: Afterlife, Especially Kakashi's, Everyone's life sucks, F/M, Gen, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sorry Not Sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2018-12-14 14:48:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 4,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11785380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rick_KTish/pseuds/Rick_KTish
Summary: Literally just a collection of Naruto ideas I've had for freaking ages that I thought I'd see if anyone was interested in reading from me or adopting to write themselves.Some are partially written-- or at least sort-of-kind-of begun, with, like, a paragraph or something.Adopted plots are still subject to maybe-someday-eventually-not-likely being written by me, if ever the fancy strikes me (but who am I kidding I'll never get time for that).I've read stuff like this on this site-- lists of headcanons, brief summaries of ideas, collections of so-called "oneshots" that are actually just outlined plots-- so I hope nobody is going to get on my case for posting these, but I honestly don't know if I'll ever get past the outlining stage on any of these unless somebody cares, and I have exactly one friend who reads my stuff before it's posted.Her idea of "feedback" is nodding and a thumbs up.So... yeah.Thoughts?





	1. After, in Paradise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens when the Naruto characters die?
> 
> Sounds like a summary for a crack fic, but it's actually not.

Series covering what happens when Naruto characters die.

Kakashi is more broken than any of them realized.

Follows the idea that shinigami (death gods) are people who killed themselves being punished for trying to escape life and all its problems before the supreme being said they could.

Basically, when your spirit dies, it stops aging so that when you go to paradise you can be raised from that point on as you should have been, with all your loved ones around you. In special and traumatic cases, you'll remain stopped until all your loved ones can join you.

Kakashi stopped when he was four, when his father came home silent instead of smiling from a mission, and Kakashi got his first concussion from a brick thrown by a civilian as he was walking down the street.

After a long and what should seem like a pretty darn fulfilling life, Kakashi dies somehow. He meets Rin and Obito in the afterlife, but something seems wrong. Kakashi is too small, too fragile, and he DOESN’T REALLY SEEM TO KNOW WHO THEY ARE— and then they understand. Rin died when she was 15. Obito’s spirit died when he was 14 and mature enough by the supreme being’s standards to not need parents anymore. Kakashi... has been dead inside since he was 4. They realise that 1) not all his loved ones are present and 2) his parents are both still doing time as shinigami for their respective suicides (mother killed herself in a fit of post partum), so now they have an indefinite four year old to the care of. They make do as well as they can until a fully grown Naruto appears, slowly followed by Sakura, also fully grown, and then an eight year old Sasuke.

Because Sasuke is a child, his parents appear, shortly followed by Minato and Kushina, who had to bribe the entity to let them in because he was worried that their natural parenting toward Kakashi might accidentally start off the aging process without his parents. Since Kakashi is a special case, they did him the kindness of storing away his memories for until after he reaches adulthood in paradise. Sasuke on the other hand squeaked by as a normal case based on his Actual Connections!(tm) to Actual People!(tm).

They wait a little while for Sasuke to start aging, but apparently he can't until Itachi finishes his doing time as a shinigami. (Minato and Itachi got short sentences because even though they meant to die, it was for a good reason. Obito didn't mean to die, he just accepted very quickly that he was going to. So he got off Scott free. Sakumo and his wife intentionally, methodically killed themselves. They had to do time for ages. Hence why everyone shows up before them.)

Then comes Gai, who was spiritually sensitive in life. This is why he was always calling Kakashi youthful; he could tell he’d be very young after he died. Somewhere along the line, Asuma, Kurenai, Genma, Raidou, Izumo, and Koutetsu break in and are able to travel mostly freely from their subspaces to Kakashi’s. So do Jiraiya and Tsunade. Occasionally they drag Orochimaru along, for old time's sake. Then Sakumo is able to get free of his shinigami sentence, and they're just waiting for his wife.


	2. Alternate Naruto time travels to the canon verse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which, as you may have guessed, a Naruto from an alternate dimension time travels and lands in the Canon 'verse.

Wakes up in the forest of death, meets... Ebisu? First to come to mind is Ebisu, or maybe Genma... Anyway, he's confused that they don't recognize him; figures something/tricky is going on, and follows to meet the Sandaime. Somehow in this universe nobody died except for Danzo, which led to Sakumo not failing a mission, which led to Obito not dying (or maybe actually dying? Hmmm...), which _ definitely _ led to Madara dying, which means everything's pretty good for the most part. Also Minato was there to stop Hizashi from being sacrificed, and has been working most of Alt!Naruto’s life to get rid of the caged bird seal.

On Hinata: Alt!Naruto was always on love with her, thought she was kissing cousins with Neji for a while,  then found out she liked him too; they were engaged before he got dragged to the canon universe. 

 

WAIT!! It's a series now. 

 

Second book, Kakashi (and maybe Gai.)

Third book, Obito with somebody else maybe?

 

And then it turns out that the two worlds are actually slowly melding together for some reason!


	3. Daemon AU-- Kakashi has never settled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What it says in the title. 
> 
> Kakashi is a wonderful plaything for my own insanity, I must say.

Kakashi's daemon has never actually settled. She takes the form of a wolf in public, to give the appearance of having settled, but she hasn't actually. He's twenty-six when Naruto's team finds out-- and learns why.

  
Basically, he's never emotionally moved on from when he was five or six or seven and found his dad's body. In order to settle, you need to gain some kind of mature outlook on life. Kakashi's only outlooks since his father's death have been destructive.

 

(believes that everyone that knows he cares about them are so ashamed they feel honor-bound to kill themselves.)

  
Kids keep it quiet and allow him to go on pretending he can’t be bothered with their existence most of the time (in spite of presents, food, etc. that “mysteriously” show up on doorsteps and windowsills), until he's thirty and he dies fighting Pain and meets his father in the after life. Wakes up and he's settled as (something).

 

Naruto, talking to his dad inside the seal: "Kakashi-sensei--"  
"Wait, what? Kakashi is your team leader?"   
"Yah, why?"   
"Well, I'm just kind of surprised they gave him a team. That kid was like a son of a little brother to me, but he's got to be the most messed up kid I've ever met. He's-- uhhh..."   
"Never settled. Yeah, threw us off at first, but we get it. Although, I think Kakashi-sensei is a bit higher-maintenance than the other jounin instructors... we have to remind him to eat, and he doesn't really sleep well unless he's seen Gai once a day..."   


* * *

 

MY IDEA FOR A BEGINNING (AKA CRAP):

 

Kakashi-and-Raiko easily sidestep the brick hurtling their way and firmly do _not_ glower at the man and his mastiff daemon who released it.

 _Ignorant,_ Kakashi-and-Raiko think, moving the canvas pack full of newly bought groceries from one too-small hand to the other while fur grows easily out of feathers and a growl is held back tightly. They won't attack; they try not to show a reaction at all, but sometimes you just have to shift, just in case—

_Don't think. Do._

They walk on.

Once, the other hand would have held a larger one. Once, fur or feather or scale would have sat on Aiki’s head or back. Now they walk alone.

It's no surprise to them that the house is empty-quiet when they get home. When Otou-chan and Aiki are in one of their moods, they tend to go out back, to the small forest that has taken over what used to be the Hatake farmland, where it's easy to be sad in the empty-still air. Kakashi-and-Raiko don't know the whole story, but there is something about the second ninja war and a directed slaughter and a request to the Shodai Hokage shortly before his death. They think it's sad, that this resting ground for all their ancestors is a haunting place not because of lingering souls but because of lost ones. The leaves barely rustle in the wind, and few animals ever seem to appear there. To Kakashi-and-Raiko, there's a sense of _lack_ that lingers in the air of the small wood, and they feel helpless to fill it.

Today, though, there's something different in the empty-quiet of the house and the empty-still of the wood. There's a strange kind of extra-quiet and extra-still that seem to fill the air with a singing tension. Kakashi-and-Raiko tense, noting the difference in the atmosphere immediately.

Something is wrong with Outou-chan. Something is wrong with Aiki.

Something here has changed, and can never be returned to how-it-should-be.

* * *

 

Basically the idea is that those who haven't settled think of themselves as a unit with their daemon, whereas those who have think of their daemon as an almost separate identity, with thoughts and a personality of their own. This represents understanding that while we come to understand ourselves as we mature, we will always struggle to comprehend our own psyche.

Also, to reflect the childish perspective of the unsettled, I planned to do Kakashi and the unsettled characters fo Naruto's generation in present tense and with lots of hyphenated descriptions, with Kakashi's settled compatriots in past tense with more advanced language and fancier words for their mental perspectives. 

Or something like that.

 

I also had this idea that maybe instead of simply vanishing into dust, daemons climb onto their dead counterpart's bodies and seep into their skin, leaving a death-mark tattoo kind of thing, like an outline. It's believed that if a daemon doesn't get to enter the dead body, the soul of that individual lingers and becomes a haunting animal or ghost of some kind.


	4. Let's try tweaking some things...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically, just a few personality quirks added can change the whole tone of the story.   
> This kind of fic doesn't really suit my writing style, I think, but it's a funny idea and if someone else wants to have a go, please do. Maybe Sarah1281 over on FFN? S(?)he wrote "It's for a good cause, I swear", and I feel like that's a good tone for this kind of story... IDK.

Kyuubi... Is a particular kind of softie. S/he  (which should I do?) hates it when his/her host is in pain, physical or emotional, and so drags them out of reality so that s/he can kill it lots, whatever caused the breakdown.  (I'm thinkin’ she. I dunno why.)

 

Pair this with having Kakashi, who thoroughly approves of and endorses killing the haters dead, raise Naru. He was emotionally scarred by what the villagers did to his father, and it's a strange kind of revenge every time he saves one of them or the whole village. 

 

So... basically, Naru’s little ’episodes’ with nine tailed chakra meltdown are usually encouraged.

 

Let's also throw in them living outside the village for the most part, like hermits. 

 

And maybe a little Sasuke and Sakura madness as well— like maybe Kakashi encourages Sasuke’s revenge tendencies, and Sakura‘s split personality. 

 

Now: some things that would be different. 

Sasuke’s farewell would be more like waving handkerchiefs and saying “Have fun learning how to kill it lots with the traitor! Make sure you kill him before you come back!”

That one part with creepyface and deidara would have a heck of a lot more “Go! Go! Get ‘im, Naru!” from Kakashi

Theoretically, the fox would learn to recognize Kakashi, so Naru wouldn’t attack him right there either

Sakura goes back and forth readily between weepy fangirl and evil punch-happy madwoman

Maybe Anko and Kakashi meet for tea once or twice a week?

And generally, much more insanity and shenanigans.

 

I’m tempted to make Kakashi a little bit of an overt revenginator, saying things like “Take that you useless civillian! Saving comrades is weak, is it? Well, don’t you wish I was so strong as to let YOU die?! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!”

But then... maybe not.

Then again, maybe.

I dunno.


	5. Reincarnation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which team seven discovers they've been reincarnated, and then things get a little bit weird with the order.

Sasuke and Sakura meet in elementary school, and become best friends betty quickly. In high school they start dating;  Sakura understands that Sasuke has manic depression and Sasuke understands that Sakura had terrible self-esteem, and they're overall very good for each other. Sasuke’s older brother died from lung cancer when he was a kid, and he still struggles with it. His parents met in the military and both work for the local police department, and are rarely home, so he’s pretty much raised himself. Sakura’s parents work for a shipping company, her mother in sales while her father is a truck driver, so she's in much the same situation.

While in high school, they meet a middle schooler with blond hair and too-blue eyes who always showers in the middle school locker room and seems to get rattier by the day. For some reason they felt protective of him and come to discover he's homeless at present— his parents died when he was born and he's been passed from foster home to foster home his entire life like so much bad luck. Most have been abusive, the last one beat him half to death and passed out drunk and he left that same night. He's been living under the tunnel on the elementary playground two blocks from the school. 

Stuff happens, they help Naruto, get their memories back, the three of them go to college together. And then things get complicated. 

It starts when Naruto senses someone watching him from the back of his sociology class. Then Sasuke sees a blonde and black haired couple in midriff shirts walking hand in hand around campus, but only ever from behind. And then Sakura hears their building super complaining about the guy who refuses to put his dog’s food dish on the floor, and ways at the table with him. And then there's the quiet entomology major at the back of Sasuke’s polisci class. 

Naruto, who was scarred by his foster experience, decided to become a foster parent. He gets mostly older teens, repeated runways who are aged out of the system soon enough, but then he gets an urgent call late at night and is brought in to get a kid who was found curled up against his father's weeks-dead body. Investigation turns out that the father was part of a human trafficking ring. Used his son intermittently as a prop, whore, punching bag, excuse, and weapon. (I love Sakumo, but this is not him; this is a different person with a similar background to Sakumo, give his reincarnated son to raise.) Kid is a total genius, police found several annotated middle school level textbooks in his room, but is still a kid. Knows what his dad was doing was wrong, but felt a) powerless to stop it and b) it was his _ dad.  _ Dads are always right, even when they're wrong. 

Naruto takes the kid in wholeheartedly, and slightly freezes when he sees the kid’s hair. 

Silver. 

So when he gets back to the apartment with a kid passed out on his shoulder, he calls to Sasuke and Sakura, who live with him, and says “ah, guys? You know that kid i told you was going to come join us?”

They turn around, Sasuke pauses mid sentence, “Your bleeding heart and what.”

Sakura states. “is that... Kakashi- sensei? “

Yup. 

He was late.

* * *

 

She looked at him from across the playground, wondering why he was staring at the ground so intently.

“Saku-chan, how do you feel you’re fitting in so far?”

Sakura looked up at the teacher above her and smiled. “Just great! Everyone’s being so nice, especially since I moved in so late in the year.”

Yuki-sensei smiled, his feminine features lending an almost painful beauty to the simple action. Sakura only hoped she would grow up to be half as pretty as her third grade teacher.

“Um, excuse me, but why is that boy sitting alone?” she asked nervously, looking over at the dark haired brooder. Yuki-sensei’s smile turned sad and shrank enormously.

“He’s had a very sad thing happen recently, and he’s having a hard time talking with friends.” After a moment’s contemplation, he suggested, “Why don’t you go try and help him feel better? I think he’s feeling really lonely right now, but he doesn’t know how to ask others to spend time with him. Do you think you could try to sit with him, even if he doesn’t want to play?”

Sakura didn’t even have to think. “Of course!”

She dashed over to the still swing. Stopping in front of the brooding boy, she drew herself up to her full height and announced, “Hi! I’m Haruno Sakura, and I’m going to be your friend from now on!”

Turning to one side, she unceremoniously snatched up one of the empty swings on either side of the boy and sat in it, beginning to swing firmly.

* * *

Idk if this will ever actually happen, given my schedule (because _life_ ), but I think out sounds pretty fun. Anybody want to adopt a hurt/comfort semi-role-reversal modern AU?


	6. Role Scramble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What it says on the can: the characters we love in each other's places.
> 
> Can you guess which parts cane from which other characters? Some are pretty obvious, but others can be rather subtle. 
> 
> Leave guesses in the comments.

Naruto is the last known Uzumaki; found by Uzushio’s sister village when they went to investigate reports of the attack. Brought back to Konoha to be raised and protected. 

 

Sasuke comes from a civilian family. His brother has a grievous lung disease, and he is determined to become the best medic in the elemental continents to save him. 

 

Sakura is their sensei. She seems to have a dark and mysterious past and is well known as the Wild Growing Cherry Blossom of Konoha, but all they can see about her is that she has a pretty clear split personality and can crush rocks with a touch. 

 

Kakashi is an interesting third member of their team. No one knows much about him, where he came from— civilian or ninja family— but he's pretty darn good at what he does, so they're pretty chill with it, all things considered. 

 

Naruto’s mother was the last Kyuubi Jinchuuriki; Uzushio was attacked by a group trying to retrieve the Kyuubi. They came through and slaughtered everyone, but she hid him and completed the transfer just in time. With her last breaths, she told him she loved him and his father was a Konoha Shinobi, then stumbled out and told the attackers she had the Kyuubi. Residual chakra tricked them, hadn't fully settled in Naruto yet, so she exchanged her coming without a fight for their leaving him alone. It worked; she died on the way out of the village, but by then it was too late— Konoha had already had their reinforcements arrive. 

 

Kakashi had a genin team before. He's a genius, only eight while Naruto and Sasuke are twelve, and he was on a team with Obito and Rin, who were a year or two older than Naruto and Sasuke. Went on a mission, Obito died because he tried to protect Kakashi from people going after him to seal the sanbi in him.Kakashi is actually the village pariah, Naruto and Sasuke just are really out of the loop, and Rin transferred the eye as asked. Before they had time to recover, the mission went even _ more _ FUBAR and Kakashi got captured— smol and half-blinded as he is— and got the Sanbi sealed into him. He and Rin were doing great until she ruined out all by committing suicide  _ on his hand _ , because she was in love with Obito and she felt like she had failed both of them. Turns out she got caught by a pretty severe genjutsu while they were sealing the sanbi in Kakashi and had an imaginary Obito whispering in her ear the whole time they were running. Kakashi escaped further but wasn't sure what to do— ticking time bomb and everything, except that his absolute worst fear is dying by his own hand, and he can't find anyone to kill him, so he just kind of collapses until he’s found by a couple or a hermit (one or two of the sannin) in the woods and healed and the seal gets fixed. Comes back to Konoha, heals up some more, and then gets reassigned. 

Son of the White Fang, infamous failure who was given up to another village to prevent war (i.e. the other village launched an attack on an outpost, Sakumo and his team were delivering vital information about the daimyo or something and stopped to help. Sakumo singlehandedly slaughtered over a hundred enemy nin— their purpose was actually to start a war— and as a result the enemy nation demanded his head, claiming he had initiated the encounter. The hokage didn’t put up much of a fight. Kakashi has never heard the whole story and isn’t sure how to feel, so he generally just tries not to.)

 

Sakura lost both her genin teammates and her sensei very young, was friends with Sakumo, and knew Naruto’s mom. 

 

Scenes for later:

Sasuke awakens sharingan and has no idea what it is; turns out his parents left the uchiha clan because they disagreed with the elders on a lot of things. Kakashi freaks because he's having traumatic flashbacks of Obito and Sakura has to deal with _ all _ the crap. 

 

Naruto et al. catch Kakashi visiting his parents’ graves, find out abt the crap his dad did, Sakura tells the whole story, Kakashi walks steadily away before breaking down, Naruto breaks down right there at the grade, relating Kakashi’s dad to his own mom.

 

Sakura starts when she first sees Naruto; refuses to explain why. Later they are on a mission and come across an amnesiac Konoha nin who has been missing for years; all think he looks kind of like Naruto. Sakura finally reveals that Minato and Kushina were head-over-heels for each other but didn’t dare admit it. Finally their friends got together and tricked them into confessing to each other, they dated for a while, had a really fun night right before Minato left on an extended mission working out political crap slyly in the evil country that eventually led to Sakumo’s death. (When they attacked, everyone presumed Minato was dead.) Kushina found out after he’d left that she was pregnant. Everything just kind of went from there. And now he’s back, and Sakura has no idea what to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anybody want to read or adopt this? I think it sounds like a cool idea, I just don't have time to write it.


	7. The Things We Hide (As The Ones Left Behind)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Team 7 is freaking nuts. Sasuke's just the only one who couldn't hide it well enough.

It was in many ways a marvelous thing that Sasuke left when he did. 

Most said it was because of the seal on his neck, the one making all his negative emotions swell and simmer closer to the surface than before. A few said it was seeing his brother again. Team Seven knew the truth, though, and they held it secret among themselves, clutched tightly to their chests in defense of its partner eluder. They all knew the real reason Sasuke had left Konoha:

He had stopped pretending.

(They all envied him for it.)

 

Naruto— depression

Sakura— anxiety

Kakashi— real, genuine insanity.Also hecka PTSD, but did that really need to be said?  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IDK, I jsut feel like they've all got some kind of crazy they could use as an excuse, but they DON'T. Which is why they rock, and Sasuke SUCKS.
> 
> I'm TOTALLY not high on Wisdom Teeth recovery stuff. It's been a full five days since surgery, and I am not. high.  
> I swear.
> 
>  
> 
> (and if I am, it's natural brain chemicals released in response to pain-- I actually haven't even taken ibuprophen today, and I'm feeling kind of loopy for it)


	8. Yin and Yang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There were two parts to the Kyuubi. One got sealed in Naruto. The other got stuck with Minato in the belly of the death god.  
> What happened then?

Minato sealed the Yang half of the Kyuubi no Kitsune inside his infant son;( fast, hard, solid, focused, hot, dry, and active; associated with fire, sky, the sun, masculinity and daytime.  _ Creation.) _

He sealed the Yin half (slow, soft, yielding, diffuse, cold, wet, and passive; associated with water, earth, the moon, femininity, and nighttime—  _ Destruction _ ) with himself in hell.

That, of course, made all the difference.

Or, Naruto wound up with an angry, frustrated old man, while Minato got stuck with a shy, scatterbrained, klutzy girl who breaks everything she touches.

Maybe there’s some kind of “prospect of hope” thing where the shinigami makes a deal that if Minato can find the way out, he gets to live again or someth? And then he and kyuu go wandering around trying to find the way out and encountering all the Shinigami’s former meals and adventuring and stuff.

Plus omakes of Naruto dealing with cranky-old-man Kurama complaining about young whippersnappers or someth. 

(Except no, because that’s a little too crackish, even for my insanity.)

Maybe kyuu and kurama can somehow communicate? Or are aware of each other’s experience or someth? And this could set up a line between Naruto and Minato? 

Hmmm… maybe too feelsy. But I do love me some good feels...

I really don’t know. All I want is a set of adventures with the Yondaime Hokage, universally feared ninja and secret housewife extraordinaire, dealing with the feminine half of the Kyuubi no Kitsune’s energy, which focuses on destruction. Heck, maybe they even set up some kind of house out of bits and pieces they find lying around the Shinigami’s stomach and just have friendship shenanigans and fluff as Minato pines for his wife and guilts himself over his son and the two are crazy but somehow learn to get along and understand each other (dangit, there's those feels again). 

Plus final battle scene with Naruto realizing that the kyuubi power his father is using has a girls’ voice or someth, before the two parts are reunited again.

 

That's really all I want.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anybody? Anybody? Any takers?


	9. The Uzumaki Clan Symbol

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where'd it come from?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is what happens when you grow up with a grandmother who has a PhD in Mathematics and four aunts who call your mother (mathematics baccalaureate holder) for calculus problems when they're bored.  
> Ironically, my only uncle on that side can barely do algebra.  
> I'm sorry, but the math... it haunts me...

[ ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fvignette.wikia.nocookie.net%2Fnarutoprofile%2Fimages%2F8%2F89%2FUzumaki_Symbol.svg%2Frevision%2Flatest%2Fscale-to-width-down%2F300%3Fcb%3D20150712045910&imgrefurl=http%3A%2F%2Fnarutoprofile.wikia.com%2Fwiki%2FUzumaki_Clan&docid=9aLvZaX7y8118M&tbnid=FtZWFVqUXvdFoM%3A&vet=10ahUKEwj5q-DKhdHXAhXHiVQKHTzJCpAQMwiyAigCMAI..i&w=360&h=360&bih=776&biw=1440&q=Uzumaki%20clan%20symbol&ved=0ahUKEwj5q-DKhdHXAhXHiVQKHTzJCpAQMwiyAigCMAI&iact=mrc&uact=8)

One of these is the Uzumaki Clan symbol. The other is an Archimedes Spiral.

I have strange and convoluted thoughts involving sealing techniques and their history, as well as the famed sealing clan, the Uzumaki, and _their_ history.

Which may or may not include sealing being based on mathematical principles as well as linguistic and mystic stuff.

Also Uzumaki being math geniuses.

Just an idea.

[  ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fvignette.wikia.nocookie.net%2Fnarutoprofile%2Fimages%2F8%2F89%2FUzumaki_Symbol.svg%2Frevision%2Flatest%2Fscale-to-width-down%2F300%3Fcb%3D20150712045910&imgrefurl=http%3A%2F%2Fnarutoprofile.wikia.com%2Fwiki%2FUzumaki_Clan&docid=9aLvZaX7y8118M&tbnid=FtZWFVqUXvdFoM%3A&vet=10ahUKEwj5q-DKhdHXAhXHiVQKHTzJCpAQMwiyAigCMAI..i&w=360&h=360&bih=776&biw=1440&q=Uzumaki%20clan%20symbol&ved=0ahUKEwj5q-DKhdHXAhXHiVQKHTzJCpAQMwiyAigCMAI&iact=mrc&uact=8)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On the note of scholarly pursuits, it is my firm belief (headcanon I will fight you on) that Kakashi is insecure about his reading and writing ability. While others his age were learning how to write, he was already on the battlefield. Since getting Obito's Sharingan, he has learned to perfectly copy other people's handwriting, but he has no particular handwriting of his own except an illegible chicken scratch which is literally him pretending to write because he doesn't know how that still haunts him from his genin days (all less-than-365 of them), and fears he has never truly understood the principles behind the brushstrokes.


	10. They Don't Just Die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...They kill themselves.   
>  More on Kakashi's unhealthy world views.

Kakashi refuses to allow Naruto to be aware of his presence, because bad things happen when people know he cares about them. It's not just that they die; They could never just die, not after realizing that someone like him has put emotional energy into their existence. No, he understands perfectly how this works; he corrupts them. He's not sure if it's something inside him or just the blood on his hands, but no one can stand to have his heart attached to them. So he just won't let them know. Then they'll be happy, they won't hate him, they won't need to die to cleanse themselves from what they don't know— they won't have to kill themselves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have two packets worth 50% of my grade and the only test my college class is doing this semester overdue, and a 20 pg research paper due tomorrow.
> 
> Goddbye, cruel world; it's been a good run. Or really, a terrible one, but who's counting.


	11. In Which Another Was Taken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exactly what it says. What if Obito not being the one to fall under the rocks wasn't enough to stop Madara's plans?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk, man. Sometimes I just... write scenes? For things I'm never going to finish? And I really, really like having people who go crazy from trauma. And whose insanity manifests itself in a childlike mindset and behavioral pattern combined with full adult freaky powerful superpowers that can destroy the world. And then having other people have to go against their inclination to see that person as an adult and speak to them like a child because that's all they can understand at this point.   
> I just...   
> ...I like it.   
> A lot.  
> I am a sick, twisted soul. Truly diseased.

 

Kakashi threw Obito out of the cave, not the other way around. Madara was slightly disappointed, but decided this one could have his uses too. 

 

Naruto had a fairly normal birth, but his little sister was a stillbirth and that's when the Kyuubi got out. Kushina died, Minato sealed the Kyuubi into Naruto and died, etc etc etc. Only difference is that Naruto has vague memories of his parents, Obito, and Kakashi. Naruto was kept basically under wraps as a baby and toddler, so nobody knew who he really was after the yondaime died. 

When Naruto was three, Kakashi was ten, and graduated to jounin. Fell under the rocks that same day. Later that year Kyuubi happened. 

-~-~-~-............-~-~-~-

 

It was like something out of Obito’s worst nightmares. 

“Hate them... hate them...  _ hate _ them...” The man before him was muttering, bobbing his head from side to side with each repetition, his silver hair rebounding every time. It looked like it had been cut with a blunt kunai. “Hate _ them... _ h _ aaaaaate _ them... hate the _ mmmmmmm...” _

The single steel-gray eye was lit with madness inspired by countless hours under the knife, years spent listening to ramblings and plans, combined with an absolute sense of helplessness. The Outcast Uchiha felt his heart shatter once again for this man— this poor, tortured boy he'd once called comrade. 

“Didn't see... didn't look... nobody cared—” The madman cut off suddenly. “Why didn't you care?”

“Ka—” Obito had to pause to swallow around the lump in his throat. “Kakashi, I _ did _ care; I—” 

Kakashi shook his head scoldingly, as though correcting a very silly child. “Uh-uh. Didn't. You didn't. Nobody cared; nobody loved me. Nobody wanted me.” Obito tried to interject, but Kakashi cut him off again, now taking on a disturbingly comforting tone. “It’s okay. Not your fault. Daddy didn't, so nobody else had to. You weren't obligated.”

Cautiously, Obito’s undead teacher tried to ask, “Why do you think nobody loved you, Kaka-chan?”

Kakashi looked down as though he were ashamed. “Because I'm bad.”

Minato-sensei’s dismayed expression, cracked-porcelain face and gold and black eyes and all, was still enough to soften the hearts of those around them who still held offensive instead of defensive stances. “Oh no, no, Kakashi; no, Kaka-chan, you aren't bad! Why would you think you were bad?”

Kakashi's eye became downright morose, still with that glint of childish capacity and insanity. “Mommy slit her wrists because I was a bad boy. Daddy cut his tummy open because I was a bad boy. Was mean to ’Bito because I was a bad boy. Sorry, ‘Bito;” he looked straight into the Uchiha’s eyes, tilting his head so it looked like he was looking up at him instead of down from his mound of writhing zombie-glibber. “Didn’ mean it. Was just sad because you were a  _ good _ boy, even when you were late and silly; nobody threw stuff or yelled at  _ you _ .” He scuffed his sandalled foot against the oozing glibber. “Can't be a good boy, ‘cause I'm _ bad, _ ” he muttered, before looking up and concluding, “And ’sides...” 

Obito shuddered as Kakashi's wide, mad eye rolled slowly from one side to the other, his head following close behind as though he had slowed down a furtive glance to take up three seconds instead of a fraction of one. He leaned down and cupped his hand to his mouth, whispering.”I tried to escape.”

When Hatake Kakashi, who had claimed ‘flee on sight’ status in the Bingo Book as a _ nine-year-old Chunin _ , began to giggle, everyone in the surrounding area who was watching the exchange shuddered. Obito felt his heart drop down to his ankles even as his stomach leapt up into his throat. He swallowed back bile and years of reemerging guilt and breathed a silent apology; it was all he could get out past his burning eyes and nausea. It came out in a hiss of constrained breath:  _ “I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry Kakashi— oh, I'm _ so _ sorry, you'll never know—”  _

Kakashi was still giggling. “Every time I could tell a day had passed, or I thought _ he _ wasn't paying attention. Hundred times,  _ thousand _ times.” The giggling stopped abruptly, replaced by a serious glare. “He always knew. He had to punish me for being a bad boy every time. And if I wasn't such a bad boy, you would have looked for me. Wanted me. Cared.”

“Kashi, did—  _ he _ tell you that we didn't look for you? Is that why you think we didn't care?”

Obito could hear his sensei’s heart breaking, bit by tiny bit. 

The teenager nodded sloppily, looking ashamed. “‘Dara-sama’s always right. Has ta be, or else I'll be wrong again. Don’ wanna be wrong again... wrong is bad, and wrong means I get  _ consequences _ ...”

Never had Obito wished more that they’d tried to retrieve his teammate’s body.

 

**Please review: it gives me life.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah... so basically i have this overarching headcanon that Kakashi's mom had severe postpartum depression and committed suicide as part of it (I say such because I have had family members temporarily institutionalized-- usually only about three or four days-- around the time their baby hits three or four months or so. Our postpartum seems to last a little longer than some. Is my family completely, utterly, genetically fucking mad? Why, however did you guess?) And then after Sakumo's failure people start beating and throwing things at Kakashi in the streets, because people expect me to believe that they can headcanon Naruto being attacked for intangible reasons and Kakashi, whose dad was literally disgraced to the point of suicide, was just fine? Heck no, give me consistency; if Naruto got attacked by the villagers, so did Kakashi. in canon things would only have gotten worse after the whole sharingan ordeal, and then again after friend-killer became a thing, and... I mean, these civvies have no sense of self-preservation anyway if most of the fandom gets off on their being totally eager to attack what they believe to be a friggin giant wolf monster capable of accidentally levelling mountains trapped temporarily in human form and they wouldn't be totally chill attacking one of the most feared shinobi in the continent? feh. loons. Get it all in line before you start smashing the eggs of creation laid by the plot bunnies. It's much more exciting and whumpish that way.  
> It all goes to hell when Naruto is twelve instead of 16, and Kakashi, only being 7 years older than Naruto, is 19 and long past tortured to insanity.  
> Obito and Rin are older than Kakashi-the-genius-prodigy by several years.


End file.
